~카 구 라 요 ~

what should i think of…? my life for the future… perhaps in the next 6 months…

my life as ~chindo~ where i can do fun togetha with my church groups… and enjoy my life as youngs~!! where i can understand everyone and vice versa.. that i would give all the commitment to the groups… to do things together… to reach the same goal withing the community.. specially in the youth community in my church..

my life as NMCer; i can rock the world~!!! that all the mates supported me and i do care about them as well.. where i could stand during my tough years in OZ.. and when i do feel that i am part of ozzi now.. we do talk not just normal things.. but also all the relationships that we’re like sista.. within a group… share lots of things that i may not understand in someway.. that i can embrace myself within this socialise world…

my life as *book lover* initially i wouldnt dream for books.. yet i got so fascinated time by time.. my realisation of this ‘artifact’ is not only for reading.. but also finding up informations.. that might be interesting.. not only by one side.. but also the environment surrounding it.. that made me feel belonged within this groups …. that everyone support me as i still have many experience and skills to learn. in my high n low.. everyone care so much that i learned about togetherness within a workplace… such a cosy place.. and warm…welcome.. not only the staffs but also the community surrounding … that seems that you’re close to them…

my life as =skater= i would really much to learn.. and have fun.. but i am just scare that i would be driven soo crazy of my ambitions.. i do have the time now..and financialy supported.. eventho by myself.. i would really love to fly on ice most of the time.. where i can release my stress and do sports at the same time. i think its just my envyness that made me blind that it is just a sport… that i do feel to love and passion within the moves. if ‘will’ permit.. not just by me.. but also the people who can support me.. i would love to fight hard and hit the ice.. as long as i can~

my life as lover - seem that is true that i need to open myself to all the people, i do like to close myself and not being true.. as i might hide some feeling toward all the people.. but i also don’t want to give hard feeling to others.. let all the downside fall upon me so that others won’t disadvantage by that. i do seem very picky on certain thing… but hopefully that as the sources say.. that ‘i am really hard to find sum1 but it will last ever after….’

my life as a daughter… seem that i do have many colourful lifes during these times. upside and downside, how i can try really hard to forgive and to reconciliate, trying to trust again eventho some of the events are not trustfull, trys to be a good sister, try to let wat happen as it is not my fault… and no one can stop it from happening… as someone used to say.. we cant turn back the clock eventho what we experienced was really bitter. but i do understand that these made us stronger and learn from mistakes. i still can taste how happy i was when i had my birthday party … most of them are the efforts of all my family.. i should be very greatful for these that i am still in this family .. with love and tenderness… unconditionally and for sure.. it is for ever….

my life as student… eventho i have so many temptation to quit, that i don’t socialise with other students… i don’t even talk to them.. and seem like invisible in the class…. but i still have the spirit of wanting to know.. hopefully in the few moments, i can find the right place to learn, and complete my studies…. for a better life of me…

at last..

my life as me… still uncertain of some things.. that i need all of the above to solve some problems within groups, that i learn not only from one group that i grow with love of everyone surrounding me. i shall be thankfull for everyone who got involved within my life as it has made me as colourful as the past, present and for future….

well perhaps coz the changing season.. so i kept having cold… n now is the season which stopd me frm doing nethign~~><

hmm what should i say… eventho i got flu shot.. i still have cold.. weird me.. n ‘masuk angin’ still shadowing me.. all the time… isn’t it annoying~!!!?

well i should gave a brief history on what happened… started friday when i got sore throat.. i really reckon got it from lyn.. hahah.. (sos.. mam.. :P) i didnt do much on dat day..jsut visit the library n play sum organ for the mass on sat..  n at nite i should be over to meet my nmc girls~~~ but i belay that >< coz i wasnt feeling well….

on sat~~ i reckon its the big day…not only 1 day… but 2~!!!! sat n sund…starting from work at 9.30 to 4 then straight to my church.. at 4.30 to practice b4 the mass… finnishd at 7ish.. then got home had shower n dinner… n went back to city at ’round 8.30ish… got to hilda’s place.. n have  bit of rest.. then went out … at around 12ish.. or before..i reckon.. well.. sumwhere that time..  till around 2… then .. we didnt sleep straightaway.. coz we got dis fundraising.. so we cookd sum rices… n eggs.. n jelly… n others… till about 5.30ish.. then from that time.. we didnt have energy left… well i was jsut about to lay down.. but then i fell asleep soo quickly that i didnt realise that it was 8am already`!!! soo yeh.. with half awake.. we resumed our task.. n off to newtown~~~  at newtown i only can stayd till 11.3oish..coz i had to go bak to hornsby… aiyooo… to work at 1 to 5….

hmm at hornsby.. i was like half dead…. workin like zombiee… T.T so.. when i got home.. i jsut had dinner.. i felt like masuk angin.. wanna have sum treatment.. but then.. after dinner n shower.. i was jsut fall asleep again`!!ahahha from around 8ish to 8am~~~ luckyliiiii i put my alarm to wake me up.. so then that was monday~~~ work at 9-5.. i even had a chance to take a nap during lunchtime.. hehehe hmm my voice that day… turnd fro about 180* >< that i had to drink my medicine most the time ><

on tuesday~~~ i woke up n i realised that my voice is actually not 180* nemore~!!! its beyond the sexy voice of cold..  >< more likeky into manhood.. arghhhhhhh soo annoying..i even almost cried in front of a customer jsut to hold my cough hahaha.. soo funny that my face actually scrambled up to hold that cough.. n answerin their question.. lolz… hmm… i even heard the manager cough a lil bit.. arghh >< hopefully that i dont spread the *******

well wednesday.. im spose to work.. but i dun wanna spread the .. thing… over.. so i jsut calld for a day off.. hehee eventho im gonna lose sum 4 hrs.. but i relli hope that i can get better soon`~~ coz once i got dis cold.. whenever i contact dust.. it became…. worst~!! arghhhh soo annoying~~

well… as time goes by, i can see and realise… that what was happening in my unconcious state .. was only a crush.. which is an intense but superficial attraction that can easily be mistaken for something deeper…

hopefully, i haven’t left so far behind from anything, as yet i need to catch up with other thing.. as people said… ‘love don’t go around yet make people dizzy’

but in another argument, just spread the love and don’t hope to come back.. as has been thought in my church… ‘to love one another as I have love you…says the Lord’ I keep trying to do what have been thought, and please allow me to do that freely even though there are many small stones in front of my steps, I know He will guide me…

therefore in conclusion perhaps as the time flows whether it flies slowly or really quick… i might just keep in mind that i’ve been in crush with this fellow… and nothing more than that.. until this certain point i can’t say much as I might faded away to do something else.. but there still my love to you guys.. are still embraced…

hmm.. its hard when you already work full time and back to studying.. yet you have to tried extra hard to do all the assignment n stuffs like that… n even in uni.. there’s no guarantee if u got friends…

trying to fiddle out.. n speak out.. so that i can sit comfortably.. i reckon that i’m too passive… perhaps… i need to learn more to be able to speak confidently.. not only at work.. but to all audiences..

hopefully i can just survive in uni.. as i just started…  n this up n down.. kinda irritated me.. i kept thinking that this is not for me.. but then… if i keep thinking like that.. when will i finnish???

but many thanks for my friends who support me from everywhere… please.. just push me so that i’m not leading into the wrong way.. even this though… i would just pray so that i can finish from what i started..

keep praying and patience and the result will be there in the end….

May the choirs of angels come to greet you,

May they speed you to paradise

May the Lord enfold you,in His mercy…

May you find eternal life.

surely we will miss you… for such an Ozzi icon~ no other words can describe how shocked we are…

…Rest in Peace…

well… i cant say my day.. its more likely to be.. my days…havent written for ages`!! n yet nothing more exciting than this past weekend…
started on Thursday… went to skating as usual… then to a choir practice for fathers day… pretty exhausting actually..but it was fun…
Friday, another skating…. And then there was 1st Friday mass at Kenzo.. even tho we (we are.. the people who were skating ^^) were late… but in the mass itself.. I can try to open up…and the ‘adoration’ was a good time… finished from the church, we went for dinner!!! It was pretty funny place.. “buck me” as in bakmi.. in Indo.. which means noodle… after that~~ we went to the ‘K’… hmm.. perhaps after dinner… or should I say.. late dinner.. I feel like going to have fever.. alias.. ‘masuk angin’… wanna got home… but then.. its pretty late as well..*sigh* but I ended up going K.. hehehe (silly me…) found some intersting songs~!! Indo song… I love the songs by …acha.. pretty close to myself I believe… in the end.. I went home at around 2…. Pretty late… ><
Saturday; after being home late.. when I woke up.. I saw.. panda.. over the mirror~!!! ArGHHH~!!! Hm… working was fine.. bit dry.. but it was pretty okay I believe…. after working.. I didn’t get home.. as I already said to my ‘bonyo…’ that I was going to sleep over… in the city.. so that I can get to Newtown easier.. So.. I went straight to city n have choir practice.. then dinner at dixon.. while walked over there… we saw.. ‘streetidol’…hehe.. most the group was tempted~~ but I was more likely to be tempted by food~!!!! Soo hungry.. after dinner.. the girls… wanna have some fun nite.. so.. I have to admit that it was my first time of going ‘clubbing’ hm… after not prepared.. as I only brought clothes for sleepover and church.. I ended up wearing my skirt n top.. which made me really looked like a ‘village girl’ … I felt out of places… aiyaaa… most of them wore tight jeans.. tank top.. hm.. I reckon.. its just not my style.. it’s so ironic.. that after being to that place… I felt that I’m not tempted by wat ppl said ‘dugem’ (dunia gemerlap) perhaps it was just the envo.. that I don’t like.. I got the passion of dancing.. whenever I hear some music.. my spirit always want to fly away… went home at 3.. (well not relly my home at epping.. but yeah…)
Sunday.. got up at around 9ish.. I reckon.. hmm.. I wasn’t tired.. but sleepy… hmm (sleepy head~!!) went to church altogether.. n perform for father’s day~~ after that… we had some events in the crypt.. do watever we do to make it alive… and I got to Cha cha~!!! Hehehe.. haven’t done that for ages~!!! I was always tempted to do it.. yet.. I kept thinking before doing it… but this day.. without doubt.. I have danced~!! From newtown`~ the day is still long~!!! Went to kenzo…. For a quick drive.. then to the city.. where as people gather again for a movie… called… ‘friends with money’ it was actually gave some ideology… about us.. or even in our lives… eventhough the context was about the ‘much more mature’ people.. but their friendship and bondage… through out the story.. was pretty strong. I can’t believe that this past few days.. there were so many things happened.. specially in the city.. there are good and bad side.. just need to hold yourself so you don’t get carried away…. After experienced this life… perhaps in the future I would like to live like this.. but not for permanently.. because.. I still love my epping community… ^^
The part I love the most from this outing.. were the bondage of Mudika.. as it is became much stronger~!! Go
Mudika…`!!!

Went home at 10… and I still have to do my school work .. where it starts.. now~!!