~카 구 라 요 ~

Hello God, I called tonight to talk a little while

I need a friend who’ll listen to my anxiety and trials

You see, I can’t quite make it each day. just on my own.

I need your love to guide me

so I’ll never feel alone.

I want to ask you please,

to keep my family safe and sound

Come fill their lives with confidence,

for whatever fate they’re bound

give me faith dear God to face

each hour throughout the day

and not too worry over things

I can’t change in any way.

I thank you God for listening to my call,

for giving me such good advice,

when I stumble and fall

Your number God is the only one that answers every time.

Thank you God for listening to my troubles and my sorrow.

Good night dear God, I love you too,

and I’ll call again tomorrow…

author unknown

for my special friends who are going back for good…

<as i am stuck here.. heheh>

so sad to hear that you’re leaving, finding out new possibility for your future… but i really wish you good luck and don’t worry that there are still many chance for your brighter future… remember that you’re still young and need more experience not in occupation but also in life…. but don’t upsad as many people might reject the inexperience, you must keep going and fight hard. you should be greatful as you have the most important element for your life, knowledge that is useful for anything, those willingness to fall down and re-reach to the top is what you just need…

not much i can say to you.. as the word "goodbye" is not acceptable into my dictionary. i know we will meet again somehow, and tell me all about your news. hopefully our friendship won’t just end here.. there are so many moments that count into mylife. it would be regretable if i just throw it away. i will miss that, as well as the person who i was aquitanced. but please eventho that you may find brighter future…. don’t forget this little person….

perhaps if you might notice i’ll be bit quieter than before

perhaps if you don’t know i’ll be passive for a moment

perhaps later on i can learn on humility

perhaps later on in the future i can face the truth

perhaps….

               i will be back really soon

it is hard to say something

but it is harder not to say it

if you just keep it in your heart,

you may end up just bury your says

but no matter, the wind may just pass away

those saying may not important in the future anymore

it may hard not to say,

but you’ll adapt

someone should say that instead you

but no matter,

this what you choose

to run away from reality <or to run away to reality??>

adapted from Book of feeling lost by L. Wong, Sydney, (c)2006.

hang on`~!! what was happening??? did i missed something?? ah so stupid la… did u intend to do that? or just my retarded thinking?? what the??? i got a really vague idea now… i can’t even ask for my past… oh my.. why did i have to miss that? am i being stupid? unaware?
*sigh*

i’m really lost now.. keep want to think back then, but then; is it true?

aiyaa… soo confusing…

what should i start with my day…sleepless night…

as it is been pretty dry weeks… and yet i can’t see my other groups for more than 2 weeks. and yet i missd out most of the events. sometime i should be greatful as the days arent jsut too much for me, but those feeling of missing them is not great either.

keep thinking & this bug keep wandering around me. why is it so? why do you call this life? that so complicated like walking around and knowing nothing happening to you. i tried to figure it out and the more i think about the more i get confused

i should be able to stand on this days, but why even the slightest strenght drew me away. why everything that i caress more seem so different , that most of the days became grey, nothing to be please about.

shouldn’t i be greatful for what i am? why do i need more? what more do i need? this human nonsense of living, always wants more than what they are there. i should be able to accept what happening shouldnt i? why it is so hard to face? what more i shall expect? and yet nothing would be the same way i’m thinking.

Oh therefore, Lord of Mercy, please grant me to accept anything, even the bitterness in my life that shall made my life colourful later on when i look back.

hm… before i meet neone else..i should be ok to walk, shop, do everything by myself…. that i don’t have the feeling of loneliness.. i have to admit.. eventho in some source said that i’m kinda a loner.. <but not a loser> i can feel the peacefulness and satisfy what i’m doing. i used to think that i should be ok doing nething by myself.

now i meet many friends, and after tasting how the groups go together, that we actually not grouping as friend, but more likely like family, that we wait altogether, we eat at the same time, joking around and having each other company, made big different. that now i tasted those feeling, made my other days without them empty.

i can’t keep being dependant on one group or even person. that what i was thinking earlier, but some case, i feel the urge to need them. which kinda an irony in life. that you cant jsut think about urself. but also the welfare of others.

it’s funne when people asking me why i’m going all by myself…. and perhaps the fact that i’m a girl.. i spose i am fine.. but not to them.. (well most of them..) i reckon i still need to find the answer,  perhaps later on in my life…

well, here is a story of my poor friend….(whos name couldn’t be ever published.. but it is really touching indeed)

in her diary she wrote….

it started when you hold my hand…

I’m not sure if it’s just my delusional or your intentions are true.. which actually confuse me. by keep thinking about this matter, i may have feel a little spark within my life. as time goes by, those sparks have blindly led me to discover possibility of knowing those matter. until now, sometimes i feel that i might fallen into your affection, but i also have doubt that if it’s just me….

i keep thinking…… and all branches of possibilities there are….  whether positive or negative… i can’t decide too quickly as this may hurt one of us. this floatation feeling made me lost. but i would really greatful that eventho you may not know. i believe that you’re such a great friend that i can share my thought and dream.

no matter how this would end, i will keep trying as best as i can to be a good friend of yours….

such a great friendship….

why do i ever have to listen to you..

why do i have to follow everything you say?

eventho i try to keep my own way..

why i keep thinkin on this matter… after what you said..…which made me upsad, you know??…

it is my life indeed… n eventho you have some part within it, don’t you realise that you don’t have any part to rule my life? or do you?

i may grow within my soul, yet those comment may became wise words or the opposite???….