~카 구 라 요 ~

hm.. lately… feelin mello.. perhaps been so homesick.. keep thinking about it all the time, but what will happen when what i’ve been waiting for, turn up so dissapointing? well i suppose thats the risk …. life in reality is not fully dreammy…

ive been trying to lookup wat lies in the past… when i recount back.. seem that time been lost for a while. i dunno seem that i got many silhouette.. and yet not many memoir i can call back, that’s life i sposse … (still trying to re-track what my youth like…)

just been lookin at the paper… life’s fragile. but also when you don’t risk your life, all will be dull. so which one shall i choose? to die happily or to keep peace and bit dull…`

atm.. drying of assignments… and yet so many temptation that just flick into my mind.. sigh… its hard to keep on track.. and yet time keep running away..

hopefully… ora et labora.. still in my mind as life is not that easy~

ohminoooooo~!!

sigh.. for a week… or more >.< man.. do i have to wake up so early`?~  started last thurs… i was planning to go skating early…  then i couldnt be stuffd haha.. but that phone rang.. n from my boss >.< aiyoo.. i meant to wake up early…  to work well think the $$ T.T (still i have to work early… )

then friday… hmm i’ve been planning to go skating early morning.. n this friday.. for the first time this yr.. i woke up at 5.30… yes ppl… 5.30~!!!! for a skate at 6… but no regret.. even that i still asleep on ice.. but that was nice experience.. that i actually woke up early.. then got home.. cookd b’fast.. n my own lunch.. then went to work… so much done in a morning~!!

*btw for a note… ppl actually come at 5.45 for a skate training.. mostly they’re children… man.. i can’t believe that they wake up so early… if i figure it out.. mostly they’re like 8yrs old… they have such ambitious parents… well i felt the tension… b/w the kids.. n parents..  even they seem happy… still… 8 yrs old.. wake up so early.. for a trainign..  poor them…

sat`~ my jamberoo trip (not gymbaroo dear…)~ should be fun` but then the meeting up at kenzo.. around about 7.30ish..well thats leave me to wake up 5.30 again… (5 my dad said T,T) to catch the 6am train..

sun.. i have my roster for playing music… n its 3rd sunday~~ means the 10 am mass… have to be there by 9… well.. hopefully i’m still alive for a whole day.. sunday such a big day`~ church expo afta.. then work.. then harbour bridge walk.. hmm….

monday~~~ arghh.. another monday morning~!!! i deliberately… chose 1PM for my lecture so that i can wake up bit later… but then ..my coach wants me to have the lesson on monday instead tuesday`~ >.< aiyoo

this 5 days`~~  i can do it~!!! *yeah.. think positively~~

that picture in sepia….

the innocent eyes… unknown of the outside world

that cheeky smile, as no burden ever passed her

all whats happening, ever be so peaceful…

for that was 19 years ago

that picture in sepia….

with first uniform ever worn

bright smile over new school

and eyes to step a new horizon, to live.

for that was 15 years ago

that picture in sepia….

with happy smile, all friends gathering

eyes towards the sparkly candles, to see new age coming

finding out what matter in life,

for that was 9 years ago

that picture in sepia…

the smile full of spirit

the eyes full of meaning

to get attention of the most trustful person

for that was 8 years ago

that picture in sepia…

that smile when finding out new world

and eyes full of wonder

to find a well fit space for her

that was 7 years ago

that picture in sepia…

eyes to seek new path in life

smile for a path has been found

to study, work and live

for that was 5 years ago

that picture in sepia…

smile to cover the burden

eyes to find new hope

finding what is the meaning of life

that was 3 years ago

that picture in sepia…

smile of relieve, over what’s been happening

eyes to look over the past

to learn from experiences in life

for that was a year ago

that picture in sepia…

eyes full of tears

smile of happiness

for that was 4 minutes ago…

the drama series finally finnished

i feel small, for who i am… most my friends still studying @ uni.. or even doing further to do masters, yet even i’m still studying, i also do some work… some positive thing that i already work. but when i think over it, i should enjoy more in my uni life… (but what matter in life = you can’t escape and run away from it… )

i feel small that all the people in my workplace are older than me… eventhough i have the same experience, but the reality and the fact of me… that i still need to embrace myself to the youth, feel that i shouldn’t hurry things up.

i even feel even smaller in my tutoring, for being unable talk to the rest of people. eventhough i have more experience in my field and life, but theorycally, i still need to learn more. and yet my voice can’t get out when discussion start.

for this is life, perhaps people think so. but even that i small, i will grow somehow…

i recount all what has been happening…. sometimes i feel embarrased from what all been happening, "why you let this keep happening? where is the heart of humanity?". my other side keep thinkin "lucky you got offer it…, now why should u care? that piece of humanities over there is just not available for your type… they don’t even care of your being anymore, all been forgotten and fakely been brought up to you just in front of your face…. after all, in the back.. they’re all fake… pity on them.."

red and white Vs green and gold, which one~? for i can’t let myself to deliberately forget who i am. for fame and shame…. i look pity upon whats happening lately, i feel bad for you too, my dear fellow friend…. but how else i can help. just my prayer that can help you.

for i believe sometimes in the future… even the dry land can give hope when a drop of water fall upon… i hope that people have awareness from their very heart… to have compassion towards others and to make this world in peace….

many nights that been left out without knowing, but the reason of knowing is such a diverse knowledge happen to be known. perhaps just my thought that been over-crowded for uni, work, fam-life, interview, assignment, social contacts, my other life.. think that it’s too much for me. yet i may just left this behind for more into a virtual world. oh my, what a disturbance~!!!

time seem never enough, but i can’t blame the time itself, as now more technology that made the communication and information became spatial, yet other intrigue information that unrelated to the purpose of studies pop up before the very hand of my consciousness of my purpose for a better purpose. = in other meaning —->bad me<—=

hopefully, with this full of loaded matter, i can go through all (or most of them) as far as i can go. i can’t give up, if this my own mistake. this will be my burden of a guilt. i have to wake up and fill myself with consciousness in this reality, and realise that even in virtual world, we may not be able to survive based on things